6.4.13

Unwanted Love

In the reality of our day to day lives we all have gone through a painful break up, so it is natural to us to sympathize with someone who has difficulties to let go. We all know the tactics to use to get the attention of the person we have a crush on. Being on the receiving end of the pursuit can be really flattering.
Until it crosses an invisible line.
When the unwanted attention and affection makes you feel increasingly uneasy.

Then there is the internet, where we engage with all sorts of people from all over the world in different kinds of relationships.
And most of the time not aware who we are in fact dealing with.
Venturing in a virtual space like Second Life that is mainly thriving on interactions like romance and sex we expose ourselves as targets for the most common form of attention like chat, to the more involved bounding like friendship and love, to extremes like being object of obsession and abuse.

What can be so bad about that? As it is just virtual and we sit safely on our desk enjoying a drink or a snack while steering the adventures of our avatars.
Yes. Totally my opinion. I am so safe in my house with my husband next to me.

Yet. Being the object of someone's obsession on the internet I can feel an important shift in myself. A mixture of anxiety and regret.
Regret: "Why did I tell him all those things about my rl? Why did I tell him all my details? Why did I gave him all those pictures?"
Anxiety: "What will he do knowing all of that? What is the next step now I blocked every mean of communication?"
The boundary between real life and virtual has faded. My fear is not virtual. It's real
God. Please. Make him go away!

I love to embrace new players and spend time with them helping and teach them how to love this incredible world with endless possibilities. The wondering, the magic when entering this space. Now I catch myself kind of interrogating them to make sure it's not another alt of my eternal swift tuttle.
Profiles, an endless source of fun for me, now, one familiar quote or sentence can crawl up my spine like a jellyfish of creep and make me flee.
iow: I changed. Yes.

Professor BDSM is right, Second Life CAN(does) affect me!